You receive an invitation and you are really excited to go, yet when the day of the event comes, you dread leaving the house. Has this happened to you?
I’m raising my hand as this happens to me. So don’t worry, you are not alone in this.
This time of year, there a lot of invitations to lots of functions. Holiday parties, family gatherings, meeting up with friends just for a quick bite to eat, work functions, trying to fit everyone in because it is the holidays and you feel the need to see everyone. Sound familiar? Do you run yourself down this time of year?
You get a great invitation and want to go, but you know there will be people whom you don’t know and lots of food and alcohol. Then the day of, you are just exhausted or you do not feel well, and the last thing you really want to do is interact with people. As much as I love being around people, there are just times I do not want to play nice. I am just not in the mood.
Not only that, I do not want to put on a happy face and meet new people. I know this about myself now and I am okay with it. If you know yourself well, do not make yourself feel guilty because you decide not to go. Don’t make yourself wrong.
Call up and cancel, honor yourself in that way. If you end up going despite your feeling of not wanting to, you can end up angry at yourself and not having a good time.
What adds insult to injury is creating the stories in your head about your feelings, such as “What a jerk I am, should have stayed home,” or all of a sudden you feel immense sadness and create a story about something that happened to you, or bring up past wounds. A majority of these stories are just that — stories made up in your head to make you feel worse about yourself.
When this happens, I want you to challenge these stories and ask if they are really true or if you are just having these thoughts because you feel guilty about going in the first place.
Before you leave the house, I really want you to pay attention to how you feel. Are you honoring yourself? I used to make myself feel wrong or bad for not going, but I just don’t do it anymore. I want you to look inside and see what you really want to do.
As empaths, one of the things we really need to do is recharge every day, we need our downtime, and if we are going, going, going during the holidays, we end up wearing ourselves out really fast.
With the holidays comes a plethora of additional emotions. For example, people are struggling to pay for gifts, people are putting on a happy face when deep down they are miserable and doing what others expect of them. We feel all of these emotions deeply. As much happiness we feel, there is a lot of unhappiness too, so taking care of ourselves is a priority.
Saying no is important, as are having boundaries. I want you to be in a place where you feel good saying No or Yes to something and allowing yourself to be present without feeling bad for either decision. Saying yes because you feel obligated to go, or you said yes 2 weeks ago and now you want to hide, makes for a craptastic night.
A great question to ask yourself this holiday season is: What am I willing to tolerate? From there, you can start to make your boundaries.
Even if you go, and after an hour you had enough peopling, Go home! No big deal. It is okay to run for the hills, and be an ostrich and stick your head in the ground. If you are going with someone, make sure they are aware of how you feel, and actually create a sign or word that means Let’s get the hell outta here.
Have a plan of action that makes you comfortable when you know it’s time for you to leave.
This holiday season, honor yourself and make it fun for you. Even if that means creating new traditions or changing the ones you have now.